Apparently you make a good broom.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
