i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
