Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
