Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
