id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
