u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
