Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I supernannyed him into submission
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize