sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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