just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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