also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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