If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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