i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize