the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
