im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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