She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
