Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
