moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
