Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
