So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
