No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
