she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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