Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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