I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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