you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
