Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
