i don't like sucking hair
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
