You're my little dorito
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
