id be glad to
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
