you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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