I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize