What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
