he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
