Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
