It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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