dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
