I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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