I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
