where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
