Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
