Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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