I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
