i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize