I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
