im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
