apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
