so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize