They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
