But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
