oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize