Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
