you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
