Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
