did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
