Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
