I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
