u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
