Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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