I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
