Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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