when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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