apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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