Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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