dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize