R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
