Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
