I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
