Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
