Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
