ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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