Already got asked if we're dating
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
